There is a particular quality to some of the enquiries I receive, and I have come to recognise it before I reach the end of the first paragraph.
The tone is careful. The dates are precise, down to the week and sometimes the day. And somewhere there is a sentence that says, in one form or another, I am probably being silly, but I do not want to jinx it.
If you are writing that sentence, or thinking it, this is written for you.
I am not a counsellor and I will not pretend to be. But I have photographed a great many pregnancies that arrived after years, after treatment, after losses, and there are things I have learned about how to do it well.
The superstition is very common and it is worth naming
Almost every mother in this situation tells me some version of the same thing. She feels that to celebrate is to risk something. That photographs are a form of assuming, and assuming is dangerous.
I want to say gently that I understand where the feeling comes from, and also that photographs have no power over outcomes. They do not tempt anything. That is not how any of it works, however convincingly the feeling argues otherwise.
What photographs do have power over is memory. And here is the thing I have watched happen more than once. A mother defers and defers, waiting for a week that feels safe enough, and a safe enough week never quite arrives, because the anxiety moves its own goalposts. She reaches thirty eight weeks having never once been photographed, and afterwards she is sorry.
You are allowed to mark this. Waiting until it feels deserved is a tax on a woman who has already paid enough.
Booking when the dates carry weight
The ordinary advice is thirty two to thirty six weeks. For a pregnancy like yours, I usually suggest going earlier, around twenty eight to thirty two.
Two reasons. Pregnancies that follow treatment or loss are more often monitored closely, and a proportion are delivered earlier by plan. Earlier booking protects against that.
And the second reason is less clinical. Many mothers in this position have a date in the calendar that matters, a week they did not reach before, an anniversary they have been quietly counting towards. If that is true for you, tell me. Some mothers want to be photographed just before that date, and some want to be photographed just after it, once it has been passed. Both are right and only you know which.
I hold these bookings loosely. If your pregnancy changes shape, if a scan brings news, if you simply cannot face it that week, we move it and there is nothing to explain. You will never be charged for needing to change a date.
The general timing guidance is a starting point rather than a rule here.
What these sessions actually feel like
Quieter than you might expect. Slower. And not sad.
There is an assumption that a session after a loss will be heavy, and in my experience it very rarely is. What it usually is, is careful. There is an attentiveness in the room that is different from an ordinary booking. Mothers tend to touch the bump more. They are often more present, because they know exactly what this is.
I do not ask you to perform joy. I also do not tiptoe around you as though you might break. Most women who have come through something hard find both of those exhausting.
What I do is keep it simple. Fewer setups, longer on each one, plenty of pauses. If you want to talk about the road here, I will listen, and I have heard versions of it many times so there is nothing you need to soften. If you would rather not mention it at all and simply have a beautiful hour, that is entirely fine too, and more common than you might think.
For these sessions I often lean towards the studio or a quiet outdoor location at a quiet hour, rather than anywhere public. Privacy helps.
Including what came before
This is the most personal decision in the whole session, and there is no correct answer.
Some mothers want something in the frame that acknowledges a baby who is not here. A name, a small object, a piece of jewellery, a number of flowers that means something. Some want a frame where they are holding something that only they and I will ever understand.
Other mothers want nothing of the kind. They want this pregnancy to be photographed entirely as itself, without the weight of the story sitting in the picture, and that is not denial. That is a perfectly legitimate choice about what a portrait is for.
If you want to include something, tell me before the session rather than on the day, so I can think about how to photograph it properly and with the care it warrants. If you would rather not, you will never be asked.
And if you have living children who came before, or after, or in between, they are welcome in the frame in the same way they would be at any family session.
The photographs you may not want yet
I want to mention something practical that has come up enough times to be worth saying.
Some mothers, after a session like this, do not want to look at the gallery straight away. They want to know it exists, and they want to leave it alone until the baby is here and safe in their arms.
That is completely fine. I keep the work. Nothing is posted publicly without your permission and I do not use images from these sessions in any promotion unless you specifically offer. There is no deadline by which you must choose your prints.
More than one mother has come back to me months later, with a baby now sleeping through the night, ready to see photographs she could not bear to open at the time. They were still there.
If you are reading this while still waiting
Some of you are not pregnant yet, and found this while doing the thing we all do at one in the morning.
I have no advice for you and I would not insult you by inventing any. But I will say that there is no hierarchy of who deserves photographs, and if you get there, this offer stands whenever you are ready. Twenty eight weeks or thirty eight, this year or in three.
Frequently Asked Questions
When should I book if my pregnancy is being closely monitored?
I usually suggest twenty eight to thirty two weeks rather than the standard thirty two to thirty six, since monitored pregnancies are more often delivered earlier. Booking earlier protects the session without asking anything of you that you cannot give.
Can I change or cancel my session if something happens?
Yes, at any time and without explanation. I hold these bookings loosely and there is no charge for moving a date. If circumstances change entirely, we simply stop, and nothing further is owed.
Can I include something that acknowledges a baby I lost?
Yes, if you would like to. Some mothers include a name, an object or a symbolic detail, and others prefer not to. Tell me beforehand rather than on the day so I can photograph it with proper care, and know that not including anything is an equally valid choice.
Will my photographs be shown publicly?
Not without your explicit permission. Sessions of this kind are never used in promotion unless you offer, and even then only with what you are comfortable sharing.
What if I am too anxious to be photographed at all?
Then we start very small. A short session, at home, with only the frames you feel able to do. Many mothers find the hour itself is far gentler than the anticipation of it, and you can stop at any point.
Let me photograph this, whenever you are ready
You have counted more weeks than anyone should have to count. Whatever it took to get here, you are here, and the body carrying this baby is doing something remarkable.
You do not have to feel confident, or celebratory, or certain. You only have to be willing to be photographed for an hour, quietly, exactly as you are.
When you feel able, please get in touch and tell me as much or as little as you want me to know. I will take care of the rest.
Sincerely yours, Anastasia
